In their current live line-up US-based Hanzel und Gretyl are a trio (Vas Kallas, Kaizer Von Loopy, Chris Kling), recently wreaking havoc at the Graveyard Party 4 and entertaining the Finnish audience with their wild mixture of Industrial/Metal/Punk, German slogans and a crazy show (more about it here ). Not surprising, HuG are so “über alles” that this interview’s concept didn’t impress them much. So when asked what the eighth sin should be, HuG’s immediate response was – “Listening to this band!”
Vas Kallas: Gluttony? Oh, hell yeah! Is that when you eat a lot?
Kaizer Von Loopy: Or be metaphorical, you can be gluttonous in every area in your life, or how do you like to share?
VK: I eat a lot of ice cream. Mmmmm… I try not to, but I´m very gluttonous when it comes to ice cream.
Chris Kling: does IT have to be food?
VK: DOES it have to be food? Or drink? A lot of Jäger shots, yeah…
KVL: How would you like to contribute to this – gluttony?
CK: beer, a lot of beer.
VK: and you?
KVL: yes, gluttony = a lot of beer.
VK: you know what? – you´ve got to be more creative than that.
KVL: how do you want to reply to that?! I´m honestly going to tell you that as you go down the 7 Deadly Sins, we are going to get to something, but gluttony is probably the least of our sins. We are not very gluttonous…
VK: speak for yourself! You´re pretty gluttonous, you´re gluttonous right now!
KVL: so why don´t you answer the question for me?
VK: ok – he likes to drink a lot of beer and do Jäger, before the show. And I can cook, but not often…
CK: I barbeque!
VK: he barbeques a lot! And I cook. You give me four ingredients and I´ll find a way to figure you some dinner out of it.
CK: but it´ll consist of Jäger, beer…
CK: oh man… I fucking envy everyone and hate them all! (laughs)
VK: do I envy? Hmmm… I envy quietly, yes..
KVL: but that´s not good for the interview!
VK: what? Whom do I envy? Am I guilty of envy?
KVL: envy is a wasted emotion.
VK: no, it´s like… Am I guilty of envy? Is that the question? Of course, I´m envious of certain things…
CK: wow, that´s so avoiding the question…
VK: things like, when people have more beer, of course I´m envious, but I won´t tell you why, because it´s a secret!
KVL: oh, COME ON!!!
VK: then you answer the question, go ahead! You´re next.
KVL: I don´t know… I mean, like I said, envy is a wasted emotion. I don´t spend much time on it…
VK: (in slightly annoyed voice) SPEAK FOR YOURSELF!
KVL: I envy everyone who leads a very simplistic, blissfully happy, stupid existence, I envy that. Can you think of anything right now?
CK: that you envy?
KVL: that YOU envy.
CK: yeah, like every shitty little band that´s making a lot more money than we make!
VK: THAT´S IT!!! That´s the envy!
KVL: that´s it, that´s it!
VK: money – gluttony – envy.
KVL: and our drummer speaks for the band, when he says that every stupid talentless band is doing better than we are.
CK: no fun, no edge whatsoever…
KVL: EVERY band that doesn´t have at least one song in German, should be killed… Losers.
VK: oh my God, this is being taped…
KVL: that´s ok, you can quote me on that.
KVL: forget it, we´re The Master Of Sloth.
VK: what? When we are sloppy?
KVL: no, sloth is when you are lazy.
VK: no, I am not guilty of sloth, hell no, I´m always busy. I´m all the time (makes a busy bubbling noise) – unstoppable!
KVL: yeah, I like sloth. I think I am guilty of that.
VK: yes, you are guilty of sloth
KVL: it´s a large part of my being, my personality. You have to have some degree of sloth in life or else you´ll just burn out.
VK: I only have sloth when I go to sleep
KVL: it´s not even sloth, it´s procrastination, but when it´s that you do nothing, it´s almost criminal.
VK: exactly. And you´re guilty of it?
KVL: yes-yes, on all charges, guilty. And you?
CK: whatever, I really like those animals. I think sloths are great
KVL: “sloths are great!” (laughs) Our drummer is not impressed with the question, next question.
VK: next sin please!
KVL: here´s something we can sink our teeth into!
VK: there´s not one person on the planet who´s not vain just a little bit. So yes, this band is vain. Let me put it this way: you have to be vain, if you´re on stage, you have to be vain to a certain degree. And yes, I do look in the mirror, put my makeup on and go – “ah, whatever” – but I don´t really care.
KVL: for the band in this genre, we aren´t that vain, except our merch girl here, was tweezing my eyebrows earlier today and that was pretty awesome – thank you!
CK: yes, it´s actually quite funny. I´m always so busy, I never took the time to… I mean, I try to take care of myself, but not like looking in the mirror, or doing my hair so properly, and just when we got here, I stared in a mirror for like two hours in the bathroom, thinking how beautiful I really was!
CK: yeah… but like Vas was saying about going on stage, there´s a certain part of you that wants people to envy you, which goes into being vain, it kind of goes together.
KVL: (commenting on the journalist, making a note) she just wrote: “total narcissist”.
CK: I think it´s good to look at yourself…
VK: you gotta! I mean, you put clothes on, you gotta look in the mirror and see how it looks…
CK: and plus, it´s boring, to stare in the mirror, finding a line you didn´t have before, or you´re growing a huge gray hair out of your cheek…
KVL: …so says our young drummer!
VK: oh, greed is gooooooood… Am I guilty of greed?
KVL: she´s not asking if you´re guilty of greed. The best part of this interview is that she´s just saying these things and looking for your response.
VK: greed – yeah! I want a lot of people to… I want money – yeah!
VK: bring it to me! Bring me the money, buy our merch, pay me…
KVL: so you´re greedy?! Say it!
VK: to a certain degree. I am not a fool!
KVL: so you aren´t a foolish greedy person…
VK: I know my worth. I´m not like (does a stingy voice) – “gimme, gimme, gimme!” – but I know my worth and how much I should get, and then I´m satisfied.
KVL: I would like to think that we are not greedy.
VK: we are greedy until we get what we believe we are worth.
CK: …which has no maximum level. So, I mean… who doesn´t want a lot of money?
VK: I know my value and I won´t settle for less. So I´m not being greedy, if you put it that way. And I say this as both, a person and an artist, because in this band is my life.
KVL: greed is an insatiable urge to always want more.
VK: I guess I´m not greedy then.
KVL: next question.
VK: what´s wrath?
KVL: that´s like…
CK: everything in this band is wrath! It´s like, tyranny, abuse…
KVL: it´s so annoying, every time I have to explain to you what the question means! Don´t you have a dictionary of your own?
VK: is it like chaos and takeover?
KVL: no! Wrath is like when you inflict, when you pour your wrath on somebody, it´s like evil…
VK: ok, there´s a lot of wrath on stage.
KVL: tyrannical evil wrath is going to spill from it! How do you relate to wrath? Why do I have to interview you? Understand your own questions!!!
VK: ´cos you´re greedy!
KVL: have a sloth!
VK: “have a sloth!” (laughs)
CK: you´re a greedy sloth!
VK: do sloths have wrath?
KVL: wrath is great for the stage, but not so much fun off the stage.
VK: oh, I can wrath off the stage!
KVL: YES!! I didn´t say you can´t, I just said that it´s not fun.
VK: I enjoy to throw some wrath at certain things.
KVL: I don´t appreciate in life when people try to, sort of, inflict their wrath on you, and I´m making finger quotes (´cos this is audio), but for the stage I think it´s very necessary to have all the things you´re mentioning, except for sloth. Everything else – yes!
CK: that´s the other 23hours of the day – sloth. Everything else is pure wrath!
KVL: once again, our drummer has crystallised the answer perfectly, he´s excellent at summarizing. He takes our collective of thoughts and puts it into coherent sense, he´s very good at that. And like he just said, wrath – 1 hour a day, sloth – for the other 23. Next question.
VK: oh mmmmm, lust… Lust doesn´t happen every time, unfortunately.
CK: we are too busy with the wrath!
VK: we ARE too busy with the wrath, and the sloth and the gluttonous…
KVL: we spend so much time attending to all that!
VK: lust doesn´t happen to us very often…
KVL: are you kidding?! I mean…
VK: it´s VERY rare for me to see the… the… the lust. I only lust on a rare occasion.
KVL: don´t forget that lust does not have to be a sexual lust, it´s just…
CK: that´s fucking boring, man!
VK: (laughs) well, you can lust after a person…
KVL: you have lust for boots! Remember you were saying going to fly to Barcelona to buy that pair of boots?!
CK: oh come on – who wants to hear about boots!?
VK: yes, that´s true, but come on – I don´t think this lust is about boots, it´s about the freaking lust! But I lust for boots, I love boots, I need more boots!
KVL: I think for the three of us, we aren´t the intellectual beings, but we are heady, we do a lot of thinking, but it doesn´t mean we´re intellectual or smart, but perhaps we think too much, and that tends to kill the lust.
VK: speak for yourself: YOU think too much.
KVL: I think for lust to truly exist, there has to be absence of thought for a certain amount of time.
VK: listen – I lust! I definitely lust.
KVL: if you´re gonna let it go and you free it!
VK: but there are certain things! I´m very picky about my lusting.
KVL: selective lust!
VK: I do that – selective lust! And then I obsess over the lust, but there´s no control in lust, it just appears, and you go – “oh my God!” – and it´s there, it´s all natural.
KVL: it´s all natural (laughs), it´s sort of like a Granolo bar!
Stalker.cd thanks Harri Proteus for assisting our journalists.
Author: Marina Sidyakina, transl. K. Weber, photos: Julia Sheremetyeva, Wikipedia